The Baking Update You Didn't Know You Needed (Still Mostly Nonsense)

[radiantfracture]

Nothing left of the term now except trying to sweep up ten thousand barleycorns with a straw.

While I do that, let's talk sugar.

Thanks for the DW recipe jam.

Crowdsourced absurdist food project is a go. I put in a grocery order for some of the foundational ingredients for Neural-Network-Generated Baking. I'm going to start with Quitterbread Bars:



Because C's friend at the library is retiring and C. asked after quitterbread as a present.

For this first draft, I'm thinking I'll do a yeast coffeecake base (on the premise that I started yeast for bread-making, then, you know, quit), with a dairy-free butterscotch layer just to sort of match the artist's rendition. We'll see if I feel up to stacking the layers. Hopefully this will amount to, as marycatelli stipulated,

bars that you quit whatever you're doing to eat.

If that version doesn't work out, I'll use elusis's suggestion:

Quitterbread Bars are clearly pieces of Wonderbread, spread with chocolate icing from a can, slapped together, cut into "bars," and handed to your kid because who can be arsed to actually bake anyway?

I think we decided Quitterbread Bars clearly came from the Potterverse. Actually, in their skew-whiff portmanteaury, many of the cookie names sound Rowlingian (or do they echo other worlds to you?)

* * * * *

I am eating my knockoff version of K's dinner -- breaded sole and bok choy -- and considering I gave it much less care and attention, it was still tasty.

I brought home some exams to mark. We'll See.

{rf}

Comments

[rahirah]

Unlike some other neural network projects I've seen, most of those names look at least cookie-adjacent.

[radiantfracture]

I think their curator picks the best ones. You can also sign up for supplementary content, which contains the less parse-able options and things that sounded A Bit Naughty:

Cherry Fancy Frosteran
Black LightCraft Bars
Graff Scotchin Baspy's Raisin Bars
Boat Pink Cookies
Crawhot's Maple Bischpoids
Old Brothesteer's Sugar Cufles
Closamand Tarter's Scorts
Tom Zehmive Crooms
Merli's Fancyy Cookies (Scults)
Greleckerd's Molaps
Cookie Cookies Cookies
Mushley Bars
Cornbeat Fakes Limb Cookies

[cmcmck]

You are reminding me of the Futurist Cookbook!

Ever read it?

[radiantfracture]

No!

Do you have it? What is it like? A mere glance on Amazon makes me want one.

(At first I thought you meant a different book -- the Surreal Gourmet -- which my parents' friends had when I was a child, and was, as I recall it, mostly about the illustrations.)

[cmcmck]

We do and it's amazing like most things the Futurist movement ever came up with.

It makes for a fun, if weird read! :o)

[hlagol]

looking merely at the photo, I imagine i'd've gone for shortbread with marmalade between.

[radiantfracture]

It is very shortbready, you're right. Would the marmalade be sort of heated into a glaze?

I'll add it to the list!

The sort of person I am would probably make orange icing instead, but that would be terrifyingly sweet.

[hlagol]

half the difference? jam/marmalade between layers and royal icing on top?