Poem draft: Aurora

[radiantfracture]

Aurora

Night fell.
Half a moon loomed
and shrank.

The stars bloomed
and I was still transfixed
by the thought
that I could never repair
the mistakes of even
this afternoon,
let alone the year.

I would have liked
to throw myself away
and start over.

I stared at my phone
until photographs appeared.

I put on my shoes.
I went outside.

The sky
was dancing.

Comments

[cmcmck]

Nice!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0lwerxge8ro

[sabotabby]

Oh I love this and so happy you got to see them. I went outside but it was Toronto, so nada.

[asakiyume]

Beautiful.

The poem and the aurora both.

[ioplokon]

I like this a lot. As it is a draft, I'll say that I think the stanza about the phone is a bit ambiguous.

[isis]

I love the stanza about the phone! Though maybe it's more like, 'until colors appeared'?

Also 'dancing' is a bit of a cliche, I think, and not even true, at least not here. I was actually expecting quicker movement, from all the 'dancing sky' stuff I'd read. At least to my eye (down here around 37°N), it was more of a stately pavane, a slow blooming.

[haertstitch]

how wonderful!

I saw stars and cloud whisps
not close but way up
spirits were busy last night

[sovay]

The poem is excellent and I am so glad you saw the aurora.

*hugs*

[yarrowkat]

lovely! and I was still transfixed
by the thought

i wonder if you want a more active verb there? i (sat, stood, something else) transfixed

i love the rest of it!


and I'm glad you got to see it! we saw a red ephemeral trace a gazillion miles down the coast from you in Cazadero. the phone saw it better than we did, tho after a while we could mostly tell where it was.

[radiantfracture]

Hmm yeah maybe

The stars bloomed.
I sat transfixed
by the thought
that I could never repair
the mistakes of even
this afternoon,
let alone the year.

[radiantfracture]

Hmm

well, I could certainly steal bloom from earlier in the poem

but the moment was a recognition and realization of dancing specifically
as in oh: that is the dancing
with its attendant massive joy and indifference and wildness

so I'll think about it



"Pavane" is great though -- I hope you use it!