ANTS

[radiantfracture]

ANTS.

I came home to the beautiful shed after more than a week away and all seemed in order, except that on the square of blank wall above the kettle was one tiny perfect ant, like a mistyped letter E. I'm afraid I erased it.

The next day, more thoughtless typing. E E E. Erase erase erase.

I tracked them to a clutch underneath the dish-drying pad.

Never have I edited with so much fervour and shame. Dismayed, I took all fabric to the wash, wiped everything within reach, and shook out heaps of diatomaceous earth along the windowsills.

The next day, fewer living letters. E E. But not none. Whatever I did, not none. I erased and steeled myself. I put the few sad plants outside. I examined the tea-basket minutely.

They are such small and harmless-looking ants, but if they write their invisible underscript on my walls and floor, if they form words and infinite modernist sentences, long invasive shrieks, EEEEEEEE, there will be no peace for me. I kill, I wipe, I hope and peer.

They are almost gone, but not quite. I can't work out where they're coming from. They just seem to appear there on the page, every day -- one or two or three, E E E, staggering over the blank wall in search of meaning.

{rf}

Comments

[batwrangler]

A lovely description of a horrible experience. I am so conflicted about things like ants in the house, but one really can't have them and "releasing them to the wild" just doesn't work.

[radiantfracture]

I know. I've tried (with varying degrees of success) to make my peace with the occasional spider, but I can't allow a thoroughfare.

[shewhomust]

That's a perfect horror story in miniature...

[radiantfracture]

It was neat.

[sabotabby]

I get so freaked out by them. One is fine, but they never come in just one.

[radiantfracture]

Yes, who ever objected to a single ant? But every ant is a scout and harbinger.

[monanotlisa]

At least this was the most beautifully written cry for an exterminator ever?

(But seriously, the only way to avoid ants in North American homes is to (i) not have a single speck of food open, ever, (ii) to wipe everything of their scent trails, and (iii) to kill the hell out of all that dare enter with poison, alas.)

[asakiyume]

I empathize, both with your erasure of ants and your unhappiness at the prospect and the doing.

... I think we have some carpenter ants somewhere that we'll have to get rid of. Ugh.

[radiantfracture]

Double ugh. Good luck.

[naye]

Amazing writing about a most unpleasant experience! I'd never seen the E before, but now that's all I'll be able to think about the next time I see an ant. (Outdoors, hopefully!)

Good luck?!

[carbonel]

It's ant season. The problem with ants in my house is that I generally discover them by checking the dish of dry cat food and seeing that it's covered by a swarm of ants. No matter where I put the cat food dish in the kitchen, the ants find it.

I called the exterminator in a few weeks ago, and he spritzed his nasty stuff along the baseboards where I'd seen ants. That lasted for a couple of weeks, but now the ants are back. Apparently he can't do anything more permanent until the ground thaws more. The last time he dealt with the invasion, the treatment lasted almost four years.

In the meantime, the cat is learning to jump up to the chair where I've been putting the food. She really wants me to hoist her up there. We've compromised; I do it once when I first put food in the dish, but if she comes back later, she's on her own.

I'm hoping it'll be warm enough for a longer-term solution soon.

[radiantfracture]

Ugh, I'm sorry -- having to put food on the floor makes it extra complicated.

I have a friend who has contrived a series of improvised steps for her cat to get into the bathtub, because she (the cat) likes to drink from the tap.

[watervole]

Don't use poison, just follow them and find out where they are entering and use sealant to block the hole.

That's always solved my ant problems in the past. (Unless they're coming under your door gap, which would require a different solution)

[radiantfracture]

Agree, definitely wouldn't be excited about poison.

The trouble is that it feels very mysterious where they're coming from -- they seem to just appear in the middle of the white wall. There are two windows fairly close to the ground on that side where it would be logical to assume they are getting in.

I want to have a good look on the outside of the shed and see if I can see where they're congregating on that side.

[thnidu]

Have you tried spreading diatomaceous earth where they appear and along the baseboards where they travel?

[radiantfracture]

So the Beautiful Shed has an unusual configuration that means the Es are probably -- ? -- coming in through the kitchen windows, which are fairly close to the ground on that side (the shed is built into a sloping back yard.)

I haven't seen the ants elsewhere than the kitchen, so I put the earth on the windowsills (in ridiculous amounts), but I could also put it around the front door in case. It sure wouldn't hurt.

[lb_lee]

Pest Poetry? Why not?