poem of rocks

[radiantfracture]

From writing group today, a very small poem sort of thing.

* * * * * *

Look
My faith
Can move
Very
Small
Rocks
               and
I will not claim
I can heap them
Into an alp

Nor that I could
Wear a mountain down
One POCK
At a time

But I promise
For the very likely nothing
That it’s worth
I will keep moving them.

I will keep
Moving them. One by one.

Comments

[radiantfracture]

Spawn of the gap between the general exhortation to redouble our resistance, and the fact that I do not have double. I do not even have time and a half. I have this.

[sovay]

I will keep
Moving them. One by one.

As a philosophy, I happen to think that's worth quite a lot, but as a poem, it's also good.

[radiantfracture]

Thank you.

Question -- would you break "one by one" someplace?

[sovay]

Question -- would you break "one by one" someplace?

Because they shouldn't be in the same place if moved separately? I would do "One / By one," although you could always disjoint the last "one" off if you want that effect.

[cmcmck]

I like this one- very apt for the times in which we find ourselves!

[radiantfracture]

Thank you!

[asakiyume]

I like it. I echo the sentiment.

(I like I will not claim/I can heap them/Into an alp)

[radiantfracture]

Thank you!

[sabotabby]

I like this a lot.

[radiantfracture]

Cheers. The reason it's a promise is not because I am able to carry on but rather that I can't stop

[sabotabby]

That's going on my gravestone.

[yarrowkat]

i love this

[radiantfracture]

Thank you!

Would you break "one by one" someplace? I had "one / by one" but thought that was too cliched. "One by / one"?

[yarrowkat]

i think i would probably break it "one/ by one" or possibly:

i will keep
moving
them. one
by one

so as not to leave "one" alone on the last line... unless you like that, in which case it is the thing to do!

[mount_oregano]

I love this too.

[radiantfracture]

Thank you!

[lokifan]

Love this!

[radiantfracture]

Thank you!

[flamingsword]

Determination feels a lot like that. Like, even in the absence of hope, you’re still going to keep trying. It’s a good poem,